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Monday, September 21, 2009

What's your take on this?

Warning : I don't know if this post meant anything. I wrote whatever I felt after reading that magazine. I am confused with the beginning and ending of this post. If you don't find things in order, try to order them and read! If you think this as a boring post, wait till the next post!

A guy divorced a girl because she asked him to dry the clothes and cut the vegetables.Can you believe this? This is what I read in a regional magazine. Their's was a love marriage and this guy got irritated when his wife gave him loads of work (?). Even her in-laws abused for asking her husband to do works. This guy kept his mouth shut and nodded for all accusations. Eventually, they applied for Divorce with mutual consent. These day's the number of divorce cases increased to such an extent that our country resemble western countries.

In accordance with worldwide divorce, Indian divorce rate is also increasing manifold, as studied by some social groups it is because of incompatibility arising from intolerance, impatience, greed, lust and desire to dominate. Building a relationship needs utmost effort, but breaking needs a petty reason. Divorce seems to be an appealing way out from incompatible and unhappy marriage. The modern day divorce became fashion due to available alternate choices. But divorce is nothing but a negative change in life as stated by much analysis, where divorced people have shattered family system, low life expectancy, low standards of living, social isolation and the most important is “emotional distress”. Considering these reasons, divorce is painful, and post-divorce life is challenging. Probably many would think that if the first marriage fails, one can always go for another marriage, unfortunately, divorce rate from the second marriages is 1.5 fold higher than the first one. In addition to this, separated or divorced couples are hardly believed for their honesty and sincerity. Whether it is man or a woman, second marriages in India are not so respected, and demands fortune.

Having said that the divorce in India is not a gregarious act, what prompts people for divorce is intriguing. Sociologists may say it is hyper-urban style and modernization that is instigating couples for divorce. The truth behind this is mainly anticipated independence- as individuals are seeking for individuality. In majority of the cases the new-independence is due to lack of adjustment in the core-family system

"That women are receiving higher education and are working is a great step forward", proclaim the reformists.

A girl was brought up the same manner as a boy. She is well educated as him. They never entered the kitchen and ask mom for even a glass of water. They too have dreams regarding their career. She was brought up with loads of affection and care by their parents. One day she is getting married and her life turn's upside down. She leaves her entire family and enters a new world expecting tantrums. She leaves all other relationships only for a single person - Her Husband. He should support her and relieve her from all the accusations made by his family members about her. But it happens the opposite way. The same girl who have never visited a kitchen till the day before is expected to cook like an expert cook the very first day. She is same as the guy. All these years she too have studied and also works in a company for a fat salary.

All guy's need a well-educated working women. The husband and wife are called better-half's, which means sharing of joy's and sorrow's in early days and its sharing of works also in these modern days. She is not asking you to cook or do all house-hold works. What's wrong in helping your wife who earns for your family? Is the girl is destined for doing everything after marriage? I am not saying this society is male dominated. But certain narrow minded people still remain in this country. Why don't they understand we too have a heart and feelings. If we don't work, we won't be having financial independence. Expecting money from husband for every petty things is something hard to digest.

I am not that kind of person who argue that a girl can live without a male support. Practically it is impossible. Though we tell that 'Women of this age are, well educated, working, courageous, brave', how many of them are ready to raise their voice against the social evil's caused to them? Only a few brave hearted souls do that. Even if some start a fight, the society (Which was keeping its mouth tightly shut till this moment), will blame, "Is this how a girl should behave?". Why can't they understand girls and guys are same and we too have the same feelings as them. Being independent in thoughts and raising voice against the troubles caused to us is wrong in the eyes of many. But who comes for our protection?

Understanding each other and helping is the key to success in marriages.

What you felt after reading this?

With Love,

Image Courtesy : Google Images.


Sat_hi_sh said...


Customs & traditions have been developed by us humans & likewise they are flawed because we humans are also flawed...

We have to look beyond our traditions to overcome these probems so that we dont loose our integrity in any case...

i consent with ur views of sharing household work ,kitchens are not restricted to women alone...

U have made ur point well Shruti :)
loved this post :)

keep blogging

Shruti said...

All these have resulted because of the western influence that we forget our moral and ethical values.

Looking beyond traditions need broad out-look which is absent in many Indians!

So i have ordered this post eh?!
Thanks sathish!

Kaka said...

you got a point....well thats society for you....good write....i got some relief from 55 fictions...:P

Shruti said...

Thanks :)
so i was torturing you with my 55fictions eh?!

soin said...

inaiku thaan yezhuthina staying single is much better than marriage..this is all because of how these stuff are seen and how they work..and ponungalum pasangalum orey mathiri valkala. even i learnt to cook..and why worried about certain narrow minded people if at large we are well off?? and say a key breaks with half of it struck in the lock.yethu better

Rohini Prasanth said...

You ask what I feel? I feel terribly lucky and thank god that my hubby helps me..err..I should say I help him, 'cos he is a great cook and takes over the kithcen by storm ;)

On a serious note,I agree with you. Divorce is a simple solution. Any relationship takes a huge effort.. marraige more so. The toughest part is compromising and putting the self aside for the other self :)

Its not easy. Some days its very depressing and difficult. But at the end you only need love, trust, open mind and open heart to get through it. They are not all that difficult if we put aside the demon of ego - which is very diffcult and needs lot of commitment.

why go through all the trouble when we can simply sign our name with a flourish and get divorced seems to be the common contention. I say, it is worth the trouble :)

Good read..

vEnKy said...

I am certainly lost for thoughts. I am safe to say your disclaimer was spot on. I wouldn't say it is boring but there was nothing concrete said.

Problem starts only if we mix cultures. For example. In America people eat a lot of pizza, burgers, dough nuts and hot daugs. THey accompany all this with some aerated drink. Which speeds up the digestion. What we do is eat all those items and skip the cola at the nd which has serious effects.

As a society we are becoming so intolerant, most cant take criticism. People cant tolerate a book written against a belief, a film name which is offensive to their class of people. They have also lost the sense of humor and the recent "Cattle class" remark by Shashi tharoor which was blown out of proportion, is testimony to it.

Shruti said...

see you may have learned to cook, but only a few does that actually!
Broad minded people are very few down south and i speak about them!

Shruti said...

hey you are really lucky and cheers to him!
Yes, divorce is painful, and post-divorce life is challenging!!
If the girls remain homemaker and look after the needs the family runs successfully! if not, everything turns upside down.

Keep smiling!

Indian Pundit said...

A guy divorced a girl because she asked him to dry the clothes and cut the vegetables.Can you believe this?

i believe thats NOT the whole story.

There is a back ground to this story.

I am not that kind of person who argue that a girl can live without a male support. Practically it is impossible.

Total disagreement.


Shruti said...

Warning sign pottadhala pozhachen.
Mix cultures lam pesalam, but the divorce case i have mentioned here is tamilians and belong to the same caste! Why the hell did that guy kept his mouth shut when his wife is facing all the accusations?

May be, mix cultures la prob innum serious ah irukkum!

Shruti said...

that's not the whol story!?
Yes that's not, that guy wanted his wife to resign the job. she cited financial independence and refused. So they are divorcing now!

""Total disagreement""
Well, may be its in your perspective. I have seen ladies who suffer a lot in this society after divorce or after they become widower. I am wholly speaking about the problems faced by a normal lady in the place i live in. I don't know how it exists in North India. I verified this statement with the society i live in.


Guria said...

Very good writing!

But honestly I think, the status of women is much better nowadays. Of course there are exceptions but many couples share household chores nowadays.

But what I find is disgusting is that the easy availability of divorces have made most completely inflexible as far as relationships are concerned. Their attitude has become, 'one small thing doesn't go my way, fine, I'll find someone else', that is sad.

Very well presented views! ^_^

Aditya said...

Thank God they divorced. A decade earlier the same couple would have lived together-in a unhappy relation, not loving each other, cribbing about everything and hating their own life & relations.

At least the society is maturing. There is nothing wrong with a divorce when the marriage isn't working. Yes marriage has to be given a chance and if there is no chance, divorce is the only option-because other than that, you have to live with a person whom you dont like, love, not interested etc etc.

vEnKy said...

holy cow you didnt get what i meant.

I am not talking about cross culture marriage bulbu. What i am saying is you cant follow a culture partially. If you want to follow western follow that completely, if you wanna follow our culture follow that completely. You cant wear a jean in the manamedai and tie the thali ( thats a metapfor dont take that literally) thats what we are doing right now

Shankar said...

very true...

but you have the answer....right at the end of the post.... "CERTAIN NARROW MINDED PEOPLE"..

that certain narrow minded people exist on both sides... life is in your hands and make a wise and good choice...

In your case..the couple made a wrong choice.. So do you want to carry on with their life after making a wrong choice?? No way..divorce is better option.. get divorce.. and make another good choice.. now the couples would have enough experience to choose their desired and correct co-part... ;-)

Anonymous said...

well.frankly speaking..I don't an opinion about the point of concern here......
at one point of time people say that women are the target of men's atrocities and 'weaker sections' of the society....
but at the next moment the same person asserts that women are developing anything....
I fully agree with VENKY's second para..we should either follow completely or not at all....
But I am also doubtful as i heard and read and observed that most of those couples who divorced were actually in love before they get married.......
doubt prevails........

The Aspirant said...

well ur post seems to appeal somewhere but i can't agree to it completely. U cn say it my male ego or sumthing of dat sort but still.
Nd abt ur thing financial independency, there r many houses where d whole salary remain in wife's hold only so i dunt think dere shud b any ego problem in taking money or asking of money. But yea i agree dat one shud nt xpect everything frm a gal nd one's husband shud support him as she is there on his basis only.......
i really dunt knw wad i hv written is ryt or wrong but may b dats d thing i feel.......

Shruti said...

The status of women has increased long before. Only a part of people share the house-hold works, in most of the cases which i have seen, its the reverse and it persists in many parts of south India.

Easy availability of divorce is another issue. The image of the divorce and re-marriage is common these days. Many star-studded couples marry and within a year or two they file a divorce and go on with the next one and it goes forever. This affects the mentality of common people.

Thanks :)

Shruti said...

why can't they make the marriages work? Easy availability of the divorce makes things worse and people don't take marriages seriously!

Singh Amit said...

The conditioning which has been prevailing in Indian minds for centuries with a view that woman and man are meant to different works is pretty responsible as the changes, which are making both woman and man independent , are stretching in the wide differences into a narrower limits. So it's natural and bound to happen. What an individual can do is to accept these thing and be aware to the changes; a common understanding with ego less heart might have a good possibility to reduce the cases of divorce....

But in some cases, divorces are good too. Earlier women are bound to suffer in a imposing slavery as they lack both financial and social independence....But now they have option that they can break the chains of humiliation and sufferings. They are not limited by their fate as they can choose....which ,in disguise, is a liberty.....

I loved this post... :)
Keep writing :)

Shruti said...

now i understand. Thooka kalakathula paatha comment adhu :P

You are true. People don't take up relationships seriously! Adapting western culture for particular things are ok, but it can't be adapted for everything!

Shruti said...

yes narrow minded people exists on both the sides! I accept!

In this case they made a wrong choice ah? This guy is too sick. He wanted her to do all choes. Why can't he understand she is also a human being!
Understanding each other and helping is the key to success in marriages.

Shruti said...

Yes, i know, people love each other before marriages. But when the job of handling a entire family falls upon them, after marriages, stress fall upon them and their inability in handling the stress causes the divorce. Understanding each other and easing the pressures off their shoulders helps in the decrease of divorce cases

Shruti said...

""a common understanding with ego less heart might have a good possibility to reduce the cases of divorce""
This is the exact essence of my post!

A coin have two sides and positives and negatives are there in a relationships. We should make the positive's dominate the negatives and lead a successful life!

Shruti said...

@The aspirant!
I Never uttered the word ego in my post!
Like you told, there are many house-holds like that!
But still certain faction of society still remain like the one which i told!

Guy's should understand the fact that, the girl leaving all her relationships come after him and its his duty to act as her savior!

Anonymous said...

A Good read !!! After reading your replies to comments specially "the part of India I live in" I guess you are talking of South... Story is no less different in North or East or West ... its all the same...I am from East live and work in South and see South Indians are bit more traditional yet in some cases very progressive.... Would you believe I know a North Indian woman who touches her husbands feet every morning before starting her day... She's educated, modern and her husband feels embarrassed as he too is 'modern' but that how its in India...
We are experiencing what all western world has been facing from quite some time....You know posts like this and similar articles, media coverage can create an awareness and change will come slowly.... and we can hope that our daughters will see better time only if we teach our sons what you are feeling right now !!!

Yellow Tulip said...

beautiful write dear..

hmm wat i feel is...honestly scared!!...with the current situation i'm jus scared of marriage stuffs...:)..

Shruti said...

Thank you!
The part I live in is the comment i have given when someone disaggreed that woman can't live in this society alone!
Yes, traditional woman are like that! In north i know a couple who love each other so much! When the wife comes home, he gives coffee to her. Tell me how nicely she will feel. Instead the case which we speak expects coffee from the the wife after she comes from ofice!

Everyone should understand the reason for marriage!

Thanks again!

Shruti said...

@Yellow tulip
Thank you!
Why you are afraid? take on the life as a challenge and become a victorious person in life :)

Being Pramoda... said...

HI Shruti,

good one yaar..i agree with u regarding the mutual sharing of work and all feelings ..its must and should that a couple lives happy life when they support each other ..

In life, as woman, we know from starting days that we are going to another family, of course it is ours only, but we should be prepared fr the upcoming things like marriage and work & kitchen work etc .. may be that gal had the same life as that of a boy, but it is a known fact that she would be demanded to do many other house hold things, so she should be prepared..i feel like this in that context.

Thanks for this post dear ..:)

Shruti said...

Yes, you are correct!
But my question is, we aren't asking the guy's to take up the entire cooking process. Even girls are working these days and they come home with all these tensions and they straightly enter the kitchen!
Why can't the guy take up some work and help her!?

By doing so, problems will get solved easily! No will me no space for divorce!

HaRy!! said...

unoda post ah forum mathiri akitiya:)? anyways.. ever heard of 498 A? try searching the web for it...yu'll know what thats all abt.. and as for the dimnishing culture of our country , yes thats bcos we have started to adopt so many western practices and finally blame the US and other countries for our tantrum.. I think its in the roots of character and adjustment that lands up in divorce and not anything else!..hmm epadiyo elarum nala iruntha seri :)! cya


Neha said...

shruti, firstly, you do not torture me at least with ur 55 fiction...I love them...

second, I am not that kind of person who argue that a girl can live without a male support. Practically it is impossible, well me too disagree with you's all our mindset that we cannot live without came in this world alone and will go alone too, so why u need someone in transit?

well, the comment area is too small to give the detailed clarification, nor i wanna sound boring n philosophical, but yes, it is possible to live alone...

Shruti said...

hey forum lam illa pa!
yenakku thoninadhellam post ah yezhudhitten!
Correct..western cultureum illama, namma tradition um illama oru rangekku poirukku!

Nalarppom nallarppom, yellarum nallarppom!

Shruti said...

So am not torturing people with it!!

If allowed even i can be alone in this world! But the society and certain sick minded people doesn't allow the lady living alone!
They get abused!
I have seen iT!

Sapphire said...

I still think it is a male-dominated society....but I agree - men and women should share responsibilities and men who feel that they should not be stepping inside the kitchen or getting their kids ready for school should just go jump into a well - being narrow-minded in these times is just not happening!
Women are allowed to work these days - but they are expected to fulfill their traditional responsibilities as well!!!

As for divorce rates increasing - I do not really think it is a bad's better to separate when 2 people do not get along than to live together miserably!!

Srividya said...

fantastic!!u ve come out with the voice of many girls of today!


I don't know much about divorce in India, it may vary from other parts of the world, Here in the UK divorce is all too easy, very interestig read.


Neha said...

I agree on this front they they get abused, but times are changing now shruti...for instance, I know many girls living in mumbai alone... additionally, we CAN make ourselves equipped enough and get trained for protecting ourselves right? no more comments yaar, I am sounding like some atyachar roko commission leader...

Rajalakshmi Umapathy said...

Shruti ma, my heart goes out to you. I loved it! all you are saying is true. I mean, why cannot the guys also understand that we are not the puppet dolls who do as we are said. I still have a lot of male chauvinistic friends of mine who feel are " Oru onnu alagu vetla irundhu pasangala valakaru, semmal seiradhu" Who has given them the right to delegate work and gives us our responsibility! Its not wrong on part of the men but as part of the society. They are brought up like that. Given all the freedom to do anything.

Shruti said...

thanks for accepting to my views. Sharing reduces the burden!
Was divorce our culture?! I don't think so!

Shruti said...


Shruti said...

Interesting read eh?!
Am honoured!!

Shruti said...

recently a regional channel aired a program which was actually a debate by two sections of people!
One who got re-married and the other who stil remains as a single!
The stories told by all the ladies who are single were really pathetic!!

RAM said...

Well your point of view is almost right and i really feel pity of the gals who are having narrow minded husbands.

A good write up and keep writing.

Anu...:) said...

Well you are right.The post is pretty confusing.Don't worry,my opinion will also be a bit confusing.

I'll go with the cliche that we(men and women) should do what we are supposed to do.Before you jump to conclusions,let me state that it is very much the hubby's duty to share the household work as much as the wife's duty.

"The same girl who have never visited a kitchen till the day before is expected to cook like an expert cook the very first day".
Thats where the understanding that you have mentioned in your last line comes in.If it exists,that is.

But unfortunately,in our country and a couple of other countries too...husbands just find faults with what the wife does.Thats what the boy has seen his father doing,right?Somehow,people never accept that the precious husband can also cook,he also is a human as his wife is.
By the way,to the torturing and abusing in-laws,we can just inform that the world's famous chefs are men :P

Okay,jokes apart..mostly the husband remains as the mute spectator between the fight between the daughter-in-law and the parents-in-law simply coz he doesn't know how to tackle the situation!He is never taught how to give importance to a woman,and hence he cannot really understand what his wife is complaining about! :P

In the end,it would be better if the whole issue is treated at the personal level rather than pointing fingers to traditions and stuffs.Traditions are meant to be understood,not blindly followed.

P.S:Sorry for the long comment! :P

Shruti said...

thanks for those sweet words!
Yes everything depends on the mind set!
Hope people change their visual range and become broad minded!

Shruti said...

I too pity them!

Shruti said...

Yes i wrote it in a confused state of mind and hence this resulted!
Hey this is what i tried telling in the entire post and you said that in a comment!

My question is, why does the husband remain a mute spectator? Why can't he help his wife! This is the root cause for everything!

Bharathi said...

This is a very interesting topic. I thought about it a lot as a married man. As far as I am cocerned, in this world of materialistic love, only the dependency makes a couple to bond together. The dependency not neccessarily have to be finance as it could be security and fear of life.
Many may disagree, but I feel this way.
Have you noticed 'materialistic love'? this might turn little controversial. I dont know how many would agree.

Anu...:) said...

Well as I have stated in my earlier comment too:
"mostly the husband remains as the mute spectator between the fight between the daughter-in-law and the parents-in-law simply coz he doesn't know how to tackle the situation!He is never taught how to give importance to a woman,and hence he cannot really understand what his wife is complaining about!"

From a young age,boys are taught to respect woman socially,not mentally.Means boys don't try to understand the girl's psychology,but they expect the girls to be antaryaami(the know-it-all) and be a dutiful wife.
Now that more women are educated and are demanding their rights,men are getting confused as to what exactly the women want.:P.(I am serious,though the words are light-hearted).
Idukku maelle ennaale solla mudiyaathu.:P

And by the way,kindly check out my new post:)

Shruti said...

""Dependency makes a couple bond together""
Dependent on each other's love, care and affection can also be coined out! But i won't tell like that! In this fast materialistic world, everything became materialistic!
I have seen a newly married couple tell 'I LOVE YOU' in the most materialistic tone i have ever heard! Even on sundays they remain the same because they are employed in an MNC!
How love can fake itself?!

Shruti said...

You are right!
They expect the girls to change overnight from a normal woman going to office taking the lunch prepared by her mom to the wife who can manage the entire house including cooking!
If the gals can change, why can't they change their mental state!

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Aditya said...

why can't they make the marriages work? Easy availability of the divorce makes things worse and people don't take marriages seriously!//

Marriages can work if there is a level of understanding between the two. No need of love or anything-just understanding between the two. When thats not there, no amount of love or feelings can save the relation.

No divorce is EASILY available. Thats law. Divorce is 'easily' available only for mutually consented couples (like u mentioned) and when both HAVE already decided not to live with eachother, whats the point in faking a false sense of feeling about love, togetherness etc and try to live together a life of hell?

I am not refuting your points, I am just giving you my opinions about this dear . And yes I don't like blaming western culture. Because our own culture was bad enough to let many social crimes happen in the name of society, religion and castiesm.

Btw check out my latest post.-Third part

Anonymous said...

Wow.. wonderful post girlie.. interesting topic.. agree with you totally.. but I think in the olden days, the girls used to tolerate all the abuses and tortures from her husband but these days they can escape from a bad marriage by using the "divorce" option.. so sometimes I feel it is a good option for girls these days.. and in those days, wife used to depend on the husband for money and that made it more difficult for her to lead life alone.. but these days, we dont need a guy because we can earn ourselves and lead a happy life.. Society is still the same.. it thinks that women are there to take care of the house but forget that they are equal to their husbands in every manner.. god knows when the society is gonna get more matured about this.. it is still a MALE-dominated world there :( *sigh*

Shruti said...

I never told you are refuting my points!
Thanks for the views!!

Will check out!

Shruti said...

""god knows when the society is gonna get more matured about this""
Even He cannot come to a conclusion regarding this!!

Thanks for your views :)

Paritosh said...

Hmmmmm... Marriages are made in heaven; but they have to be kept alive in this world. A world which is harsh, scary and interfering.

Financial independence of girls is one of the major reasons for rise of divorces in India. Now, I am not being judgemental. I am just trying to pick an objective reason for divorces.

Shruti said...

""Financial independence of girls is one of the major reasons for rise of divorces in India""
Yes that can be a cause for this.
Thanks :)

lostworld said...

Divorce is indeed a horrible experience !! I can't comment as it gives me scary thoughts.. I usually pray for the ppl going through them to come out of it stronger..

Shruti said...

arey don be scary girl.. We must be ready to face any consequences!!

Prads said...

I agree to ur point very much..

But the problm is the main reason to relation breakage is Dominating nature,...

so he/she should understand this point and giv helping and adjusting handing to each other. to cement their relation....

Long Lives All relation...


Shruti said...

Nallarppom nallarppom yellarum nala iruppom!

Mustaf said...

Sorry for being late, was busy with our Eid celebration.

Now, i am actually confused after reading the post, but I am not disappointed because i find you tried to project both sides of the coin, otherwise more than half of the posts on the similar topics are so monotonous!! It is true that woman education, financial independence and empowerment are causing problems because few males are not yet ready to accept this, but it is also true as a generation wise, our patience, value system, ethics and principles has gone for drastic change (good or bad only future can tell and sometime i really wonder whether we are too quick to conclude everything is better now than the previous generation, our prev generation has already lived most of their life, where as we are in the midway,so i guess we shd be a bit patient before passing our judgment!!). And add to that, we always have an alternative, having too many choices is a problem and that is true for so many fields of life. And what i firmly believe, if true love sustains in a relationship, everything can be worked out and if everything else take higher priority, nothing can be worked out!!

Now i dont know whether you will be confused after reading my comment:(

Shruti said...

Belated Eid Mubarak!
""if true love sustains in a relationship, everything can be worked out and if everything else take higher priority, nothing can be worked out""
But in this materialistic world, everything is fake, including love towards others (It doesn't include a mom's love!)

Thanks for the comment! Half the comment am confused :P

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