Saturday, September 4, 2010

Return


Hey Thank you so much everyone for making me the BATOM!! No words to describe the moment!
This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

She walked in, hair swaying in the wind, eyes glancing across the half crowded coffee shop, with a bunch of red roses gripped tightly in her hands. A cat whistle shrilled from across the table where she rested her grip on the flowers. A couple of gawky teenagers couldn’t hide their excitement and let their jaw drop (along with the glass of cold coffee) at the sight of the flower girl. She looked up, sharp eyes, lined with kajal, the type that makes the eyes look even more expressive than how it is on a lazy Sunday morning. On second thoughts, the morning face, Sunday or otherwise always wins ‘pants down’.



The flowers found a place on the table and one got to see her fingers, beautifully manicured, the ones that would have experienced the choicest of creams, lotions and moisturizers, the ones that always smelt fresh and felt divine. The ones that were always not too far from sanitizers. The ones that had mehendi on them? Ah! She is married. About to be married? Or her friend just got married. Yes. That should be the case. Phew! That’s a relief.



She sat down at a table that could accommodate only two people. She is expecting company. The electricity just went off, thanks to the heavy rain. A few drops of rain cascaded down her forehead and fell on the table. She carefully took a tissue from her bag (didn’t even bother looking at the pile of tissues folded and placed on the table in a triangular shape by the waiters) and wiped her face, gently, not ruining the kajal. My heart skips another beat. She folds the tissue and places them next to the flowers.



“I’m there”, she said on the phone, that seemed to have magically sprung out of her bag and planted itself to her ears, when the mind was too busy deciding on her relationship status.
“Oh! Another half hour? Shit”, she cursed. The lips seemed so pure, so bright and so sensuous, that one could never expect words other than love, peace, hope, and bliss, let alone profanity. Those lips were meant for kissing, to be kissed than curse. It looked like a painting, perfect, symmetric, orgasmic with the blood red of her lipstick, like the painters final signature.
The waiter walks up to her table and places a candle and she smiles at him. It’s his lucky day. He walks away and she lights the candle with her lighter. The candle light falls on her face and the heart skips another beat. Her eyes shine. The light keeps shifting, thanks to the wind; it plays a pattern on her face. Her nose ring twinkles. The light is blinding, making me turn my gaze away from her for just a moment.


She is trying to catch the attention of the waiter. Unaware that she has everybody’s attention. She does realize it. She signals him to get her a hot cappuccino; you could see her pinky sticking out, while she signaled. The coffee arrives in what felt like milliseconds. She looked awkward trying to open the sachet of sugar to add to her coffee. She spills some on the table-the coffee and the sugar. She looked up to see if someone saw her clumsiness.



Her eyes met mine. I smiled. She was still for a moment before a gentle smile escaped her lips. The candle light was playing tricks. The light and shadow was just too much to handle. I gently nodded my head to greet her. She hesitantly waved back.


I went back to scribble on the tissue paper, the one I had in front of me from the moment I came into the coffee shop. I wanted to write something. In fact I wanted to just keep writing. I had something to write about.


The coffee shop began filling up. The rain was getting heavier and water was dripping from the roof above. People were trying to squeeze into any available space. Tables looked crowded. Privacy could be forgotten. At least till the rain stopped. The air smelt wet. The voices became loud and conversations from every table could be heard clearly. No one went near her table. She still stood out. Alone, beautiful and mesmerizing.


Ever so often, I looked up to see her. I just couldn’t stop. I would then smile to myself and then get back to writing. My coffee was getting cold, partly due to the weather and mostly because I never bothered to drink it.



“What? You’re stuck? It’s pouring here and what do you want me to do?” she spoke on the phone once again. Frustration was written all over her forehead. I could see the lines forming on her clear face. She shook her head and disconnected the call. And I’m certain I heard her swear one last time before hanging up the call.


She glanced towards the flowers that were on the table. She picked up a tissue and began scribbling something. A note I thought. She tucked the note to the flowers and called the waiter. She handed him the flowers and said something, the waiter nodded. He went back to the cash counter, carefully holding the flowers. She took a final sip of her coffee and got up, hand held over her head to protect her from the rain and strode out as briskly as she had come in just a while ago.



My heart skipped another beat. Do I go behind her? Maybe just talk to her? Would I be seeing her again? Questions flooded my brain. I was snapped out of my trance by the waiter.
“Sir, that madam asked me to give these to you”, he said handing me the flowers.
“Would love to read what you have written about me. Coffee tomorrow at 4?” it read with a smiley at the end.



My head really swirled that moment. I stared the lines I wrote in the tissue paper which had kindled her curiosity. It simply read, "Will she Return?". I smiled to myself.



Indeed it was a RETURN that is going to change my life.


The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.



With Love,







59 comments:

Ritu said...

Lovely ... it is so possible. Loved the narration

Rachana Shakyawar said...

Hi Shruti :)
Read it with a smiley!
Loved your story..
please do write often..i'm saying this though i know job makes it difficult to put so much of time into blogging...yet..I want you to RETURN :)

love yeah always!
~Keep the Spark Alive..

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Excellent a pleasure to read.

Yvonne,

namit said...

very nice post..n d narration is too gud..
m new to your blog..but for sure i will RETURN.. :)


Namit
I blog at http://i-am-a-man-namit.blogspot.com/

riikainfinityy.com said...

I can imagine I am the character inside your story, sounds fun and exciting, it is like anything can happen anytime =P

Amity said...

Wow...wow...Shruti! *claps*!!!

This is a very interesting story, one of the most i have read as entries to BAT 14!

It kept me glued from beginning to the final period! "Will she return"??? I was breathless!

How do you write interesting stories? You must be gifted!

All the best for BAT 14 Shruti!!!

Gyanban said...

Now where were you all this while ? This is really a nice read.

ANWESA said...

:)

Twist...hope its a happy one.

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

welcome back kiddoo... you finally chose to return on the day of return. Nice.

Always a great pleasure reading your post.

Someone Is Special said...

Wow! Shruthi.. This is a nice one.. "Will she return", it kept me glued..

All the best for BAT..

Someone Is Special

Anu...:) said...

Good narration...like always.

Keep writing! :)

Dreamer said...

Lovely! Liked that you've left it open ended. Will she return? Let's hope so :)

Rumya said...

A nice neat blog template you have. This is my first time on your blog...

About this story, I moved quickly and swiftly ahead. Good Narration too. I think it was just the right length for a story. Since it's open - ended, is there going to be a sequel?

All the Best for BAT -14.

Maddie said...

Super narration. I felt as if I was sitting in that hotel :) Lovely. All the best for BAT :)

Saket Dabi said...

awsm narration of beauty , raised a quite many eyebrows ... u just described :) the art of moving on and return :) . all the best

Shruti said...

>>Ritu
HI ritu,
Welcome to H&M...
Thank u!

Shruti said...

>>Rachana
Hi Rach!
After a long time am seeing u in my blog... Thanks... Ya, but after 10, i couldn't write! Thatsy not writing often

Shruti said...

>>Yvonne
Thanks Yvonne!

Shruti said...

>>Namit
Hey Namit! Thanks for such a cute comment and Welcome to H&M

Shruti said...

>>riikainfinityy.com
Hey! Welcome to H&M! Thanks and anything can happen! That's the power of Love!

Shruti said...

>>Amity
Hi amity! I have seen u commenting in Leo's blog! Welcome to H&M!

Am really beaming to see such a comment! Thanks a ton!

Shruti said...

>>Gyanban
Hey was in office all this while :P
Jokes apart! Thanks for that comment :)

Shruti said...

>>Anwesa
Even he is hoping so!! Thanks :)

Shruti said...

>Sidhu
Welcome back 2 my blog after a longgggg time!! Btw, this is not a typical sidhu bhai's comment! Kya hua?? Something is amiss!

Shruti said...

>>Someone is special
Hey all the best to you too and thanks a bunch!

Shruti said...

>>Anu
Thanks a ton anu!

Shruti said...

>>Dreamer
Yeah! Hoping is what makes things swet in many case :)
Thank u so much :)

Shruti said...

>>Rumya
Hi rumya! Welcome to my blog..
Will there be a sequel??
I left it open ended because I want to leave it to the choice of the readers! Let this be as such!

Thanks :)

Shruti said...

>>Maddie
I gues I have satisfied the quality of being a writer with this post! Thanks :)

Shruti said...

>>Saket Dabi
Hey thanks.. Couldn find the exact wrds for ur comment :)

Jaspreet said...

A simple post with awesome narration-was very interesting and wasn't very lengthy.
All the best!

Ms.Meduri said...

you have god story telling skills....keep it up.!!!

good one..!!!

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

To Start with,
You have a cool signature.
GIves me ideas to get one of my own.
Secondly, one of my best reads for this BATON-14.

Good luck :)

Kevin said...

Lovely writing Shruti !!
I hope there's a sequel !?! & that it's not gonna wait until the next blog-a-ton (Ok im sounding selfish cuz im stubborn :P)
My first visit 2 ur blog.
Cheerz !

Leo said...

hey,it took me a coule of reads to get the story, but it was well narrated.. :) still not the Anami of yore, but ur working ur way back up to it for sure..

good luck da :)

Vipul Grover said...

Hey shrutu, wat a wrk yaar.. mst tell u for the frst time didnt find any grammatical mistake in ur post and the vocab was also gr8 :)
thw whole story built up so nicely.. luvd it.. all the best for BAT :)

Mahesh Kalaal said...

Thats absolutely the return of Shruthi's flair...

Sidra Sayeed said...

i enjoy realism and this post was filled with it. I think the description were very illustrative as well.

Raksha Raman said...

What a return Shruti! Asaththitte di! It sure brought a smile on to my face ;) Lot can happen over a cup of coffee you say? I so agree! ;)

ATB with BAT :)

debosmita said...

Finally Shruti returns! :-) Have missed you all these while...

The description was vivid.. It seemed as if I was watching the scene unfolding before me. Loved the short, simple story..

Write more!

Kshitij said...

That is a wow post.

Nothing complicated about it. Such a usual event in such wonderful words. The description of everything was just so perfect. Everything was described really well (except maybe the fact that she was also supposed to pay for the coffee.)

Terribly impressed I am. I find this post one of the best in this BAT.

Won't say good luck... 'good job', it is!

Raj said...

you should have been a guY!

Rajlakshmi said...

woaaa thats an interesting read... wonderful narration and beautiful story :)

D2 said...

Absolutely beautiful. The post was un-leavable!
I loved every bit of it.
All the best for BAT.

Brijender Singh said...

Just amazing !!
The feel-good factor kicks in from the word go and by the time you finish the last line,the smile on your face is indelible !
Loved it !! :)

Dil se said...

Shruti: Lovely story with such fine details.I could imagine myself there in the coffee shop.
Enjoyed it a lot.

Naveen said...

beautiful narration .. lovely ending ... awesome work

Sweta said...

I loved the story flow.... best of luck for BAT :)

astrosunilnomy said...

hey very nice story, the scene is so beautifully descibed that i could imagine the beauty of the girl ! the detail & depth of descriptio of beauty is wonderful, concept is really good..goo application on return

Saurabh Panshikar said...

OMG What a return you've made!
Loved the post. Its the first BAT post I've read (out of the few selected ones I plan to read) and I'm smiling already!

Keep up the good work...

swayambhu said...

Awesome work!! Best one I have read so far this BAT!! All the best!

nomi said...

Lovely Piece and Congrats on your success. When I looked at the post... I thought of skipping it because it was bit long, but somehow I managed to read... now I don't regret the time I spent on reading... Really cute piece.... Kaash it happens in real life :)

mayur said...

it took him for ever to just write those three words? ;)

But I must say....very well written indeed....you have beautifully explained what goes through a guy's mind when he sees a super beautiful lady around her...especially when he has the luxury of looking at her for more than once. To top it all....under a candle light...i have already started dreaming :P

Cheers...for winning this months BAT!!

Nostalgic said...

Commendable narration!

Cheers for winning this month's BAT!

The Fool said...

Very gripping narrative with full attention to minute details. And such a nice twist in the tale ending. Really enjoyed the read. And congrats on winning the Blog-a-ton. Had somehow missed reading your post during the blog-a-ton. Thought I would check it now better late than never.

Harman said...

very gripping ..drafted very well with details..and congrats!

easyvivek said...

promises are to be kept.. this is the first time i read ur blog n was taken aback.. too good..
u held me right till the end.. a very decent length n the narration was smooth, tight, and captivating..
cool story.. loved it.. u deserved the win.. totally.. :)

UmaS said...

Beautiful play of words..you brought the whole coffee shop in front of me...fantastic. :)

Congrats for this winning piece of entry !!! I am happy, I came here, to this page. :)

Vikas Khair said...

Wow,, No Wonder you won .. coz you just worked wonders with your words there. Congratulation on winning BAT-14. It sure hurt to miss on that BAT and here I was thinking that I will be the one to participate in all the BATs. well if not in all then definitely as much as I can.

Anyway back to you. You truly are a gifted storyteller such wonderfully simple narration. Reminded me of many rainy days spent in CCD .. of course no one ever sent me the flowers. Keep on writing keep on winning. :-)

  © Hits and Misses 2009-2010   © Original Design by Lena Toews   © Edited Design by Leo