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Monday, October 19, 2009

55 Fiction - #19

Hi :)
Understand what is 55Fiction!? 55 Fiction is a form of micro fiction that refers to the works of fiction limited to a maximum of fifty-five words.Most 55 Fiction works are dramatized so as to get the effect in limited time.

480px-speed_limit_55_signsvg

THEIR WORLD..

Near the school....0511-0902-1116-1963_Dad_Seeing_His_Daughter_Off_to_School_clipart_image
The little kids reach school pampered by their parents.
The musician at the entrance was enjoying himself by playing beetle's tunes.
In the corner park, lovers were passionately kissing each other.
Outside a beggar sighed on seeing his collection.
Within a flash, their world was gone. An explosion dismantled everything.

This is dedicated to all those who lost their lives in bomb blast in the recent years and also to the family members who lost their dear ones

How is this? Drop a comment and let me know what you feel after reading this!

With Love,

Shruti-Logo

Image Courtesy : Google Images

62 comments:

Being Pramoda... said...

hayyayo..:(..

so sad, but these days such scenes are becoming very near..:(..

balasrini said...

Gud one Shruthi...
Another unexpected ending...
keep it up girl!!!

Shankar said...

Good one shruthi..was nice... but I feel like something is missing... could have been better...

Shruti said...

@Prams
yes! Blast everywhere!!

Thanks :)

Shruti said...

@Bala
Hope u got that exact feeling in this!
Thanks yaar!

Shruti said...

@SHankar!
Thanks! But what is missing?!

Kay said...

huh? but why? sad

Shruti said...

@Kay
why? I don understand..yes its sad! Losing so many lives!

evanescentthoughts said...

good one girl.. sadly these things are becoming so common these days :( :(

Shruti said...

@Avada
True yaar! Losing lives and giving away dear ones to these tragic incidents is horrible!

Singh Amit said...

It's very Nice one Shruti..

How Vulnerable our life is!!


Cheers!!

Shruti said...

@Amit
very true yaar! We dunno what ll happen the next second

RAM said...

Hmmm thats nice. Though the scene contains 55 words, the message it carries is something very important and vital. Nice that your blogs are stating the social evils. Keep blogging.

Shruti said...

@Ram
thanks buddy!

Vishnu said...

okie... not good but not bad too.. lacked something..

The Aspirant said...

great yaar........
may be it can b little more descriptive bt still hs great depth..

Neha said...

i got goose bumps when I read the last line...Do I need to say more?

soin said...

one of the most cheerful stuff u have written.. i mean a kid listening to music,couple kissing.. all happy.. and they just die instantly.. so beautiful..but somehow i guess that was not meant when this was written..free

Chatterbox said...

very nice!
Your story portrays how unpredictable and unsafe life has become.
Let's live our lives to the fullest every moment, we never know when all these small moments of joy and goodness be lost forever.

Cheers!!

Shruti said...

hmmm... can u change this - "The little kids reaches school pampered " it should be "The little kids reach school pampered " ..
Also I did not get why the begger sighed on seeing the children??

The ending twist is nice... but can u change "flattened everything" to something else?? sorry :) too many suggestions.. just wrote what i felt. loved ur earlier 55er though :)

RSV said...

so much in so few words..
its more than amazing Shruti!!
beautiful...

RSV said...

btw I am waiting for your write up..

BK Chowla said...

Very emotionally expressed.It could be a sad day in one's life when one loses a dear one.

Shruti said...

@Vishnu
Lacked something in what?

Shruti said...

@The aspirant
You can't describe such things in 55Fiction! Thanks buddy!

Shruti said...

@Neha
Girlie that sums up everything!

Shruti said...

@Soin
I think you got the story line..
They were all enjoying themselves. Suddenly the explosion shattered everything!

Shruti said...

@Chatterbox
True..LIVE YOUR LIFE which most of us don't do! Thanks

Shruti said...

@Shruti
Thanks for those advice and I changed something!
Beggars sighed on seeing his COLLECTION and NOT CHILDREN
Thanks :)

Shruti said...

@RSV
Thanks buddy! U aren't trying any more 55Fictions?!why?

Shruti said...

@RSV
Will do it once I get time. Quite busy for some days!

Shruti said...

@Chowla Ji
yes sir :)
Thank you for your comment!

Bharathi said...

Nice message here. Had it been like a story rather than a writeup it would have been even better.

Shruti said...

@Bharathi
Thanks!
I wanted to describe everyone's life..That's why it resembled a write up.
May be i will improve the next time!

Shilpa said...

I agree with Shankar, it could have been much better. The usual 'shruti-special' spark was missing in this one.


shilpa

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF POETRY: said...

Very thought provoking, how life can be gone within a second.
A good issue excellently written.

Yvonne.

HaRy!! said...

yapaaa...how much things can change everything!! poor victims...! Simple but Powerful..kaka kaka style mathiri! :)

Shruti said...

:) Love it! ... I'm amazed u actually took the criticism in such good spirit!! Thank you :)

Rajalakshmi Umapathy said...

You get better and better each time don't you??? good one shruts.. Nice touch!!

Vishnu said...

theriyala.. it could hav benn better..

Benny said...

achoo..!!!sad:(each word u hav written here convey a beautiful feelin xcept for d bomb.. nice work !

тнƨ [ƨcняɛι] said...

(regarding the comment on my post)
@Shruti: First off, i hope u like this blog.
second i do miss him a litllllllle bit. mostly u can say that he misses me-well my cooking to be frank... :D

Shruti said...

@Shilpa
Oh my!! I still couldn't find the missing element!
:)
Will write up well!

Shruti said...

@Yvonne
very true!!

Shruti said...

@Hary
kaka kaka dialougue! Hehehhe...thanks! Aana adhu villain solre dialougue

Shruti said...

@Shruti
hey girlie, you helped to to churn this 55Fiction well!

Shruti said...

@Raji
Do you really feel this is good? I don't think so!

Shruti said...

@Vishnu
Yenakkum therila!

Shruti said...

@Benny
Thanks!

Shruti said...

@THS
Hey welcome 2 my blog!

Rajalakshmi Umapathy said...

Hey I meant the way you write things!! I know this one has a very sad ending to everything.

Shruti said...

@Raji
May be...ana many told this s not my best!

lostworld said...

Value what you have.. & make every day count .. Guess that's what such incidents ought to teach us.

Shruti said...

@Lost world
Very truly said!!!

Samadrita said...

Nice one Shruti!
'In the corner park, lovers were passionately kissing each other.'-
I am sure this city is not Mumbai.Raj Thackeray and gang would never allow such a thing in the first place. :D

Shruti said...

@Sammy
:P LOL!!
Its not mumbai!! :P

Yellow Tulip said...

sadly true...n its becoming more often:(...

Shruti said...

@Yellow tulip
Yes girl :(

divsi said...

heya! m a first timer at yr blog:) this piece of fiction was awesum...:)
its sad that bomb explosions rip apart innocent ordinary lives...well narrated!

Shruti said...

@Divsi
Hey, welcome to my space!!
Thanks for those appreciations :)

vEnKy said...

Nice one shruthi. Kalelaye avanga vela arambichitaangala kachadavelaya parkla 8 o clock galeej parties ma avanga

Shruti said...

@Venky
Yes...truly galeej :P
Thanks da :)

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