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Friday, November 6, 2009

Pride

I have tried my hand on writing another fiction. Completely different from whatever I have written till now.I would love to hear comments from you people! Please spare your time after reading this..

He stood there glaring at the wide expanse of area in front of him being drenched in the torrential rains. His rotten clothes could hardly cover his already toughened body. But his worry was more to cross that wide area without being caught by the sniper bullets which will take a fraction of a second to hunt him down if the search lights spot him. The un-named security prison was built for the sole purpose of facilitating the extraction of information from foreign spies. The prison had seen only one escape in its whole history, but bad luck the prisoner was shot dead before he could cross the wide open area of 6 Square miles surrounding the security facility.

Ram was weak and not as agile as he was when he was captured, but 3 years of torture had built his endurance. Patiently he waited for darkness to cover the prison before he started to crawl. As he crawled after waiting for 2 hours his elbows started bleeding, his knees pained like hell, but still he successfully reached the other end of the open area. He felt like an Olympic Athlete who had got his Gold. He still had to reach the border before 0600 hrs so that by the time they finish checking the prisoner’s count he will be in his dear mother land, on his native soil.

Two days later: The Army hospital had never seen such activity or visits by so many high officials in last 20 years. Major General Vishwapratap singh was visiting the hospital that day to see that daring devil of a man who had escaped from the “Qayamat” prison [as named by his soldiers because of its fame of digesting many of their best officers]. Ram was enjoying the princely treatment he was receiving in the hospital [princely - compared to the one he was receiving in the prison]. Ram was weak and unable to walk because of a broken ligament. He had made friends with a sweeper named Subhash in the hospital.

The hospital had prepared itself for the visit of the Major general who rarely had visited a hospital in his life except as a patient. Major General Vishwapratap singh arrived sharply at 0900 hours as he had informed. He walked without stopping in his regular fast pace towards the room where Ram was reclining on his bed. Nobody even dared to give him directions though he dint need any. As Ram heard the foot steps he became stiff in his bed and the moment the saw the figure of the Major general in front of his door he tried to get up and salute his superior officer.

Major General Vishwapratap singh spoke “At rest lieutenant, no need to get up from the bed” [though the sentence reads like a soft one it sounded like a order to Ram and he dint move a bit from his bed] Ram said “Thanks you, sir”. Vishwapratap singh spoke back “That’s ok boy, but do you know what you have done, you have broken down the pride of our enemy nation and added much more pride to our nation.” He smiled as he spoke these words, then stiffening he spoke “I want you back in action in one month, your family will reach here by tomorrow you can spend time with them while you heal, and by next month you will have to report to the base again. We are planning for a commando mission to Qayamat and you will be the first in command of that mission. And I will send in Major Sivakumar to get all the information he could get from you about Qayamat.”

Ram was speechless for a moment – mixed feeling about meeting his family after a long time, about a commando mission to Qayamat –the death hole which he had just escaped. But before he could gather himself to push a word from his mouth Vishwapratap singh spoke again “Ok gentleman, all the best” and he turned to leave when he turned back as if he had forgot something and said “And yes I have recommended your name for the Nations highest order of awards – the golden cross”. And he left.

Don’t even imagine me to describe Rams feelings – totally mixed at that moment. The next day Major Sivakumar was supposed to reach there by 0700 hours to the hospital and start collecting details about Qayamat from the sole survivor of that place. When he reached the hospital he saw a huge crowd of soldiers who were guards in front of Ram’s room. Major Sivakumar thought “what the damn, so many people to listen the story of Ram, was I on a data collection trip or had I reached a public speech gathering,”

He made his way through the crowd of subordinates who were behaving like civilian fools who crowd in a political meeting, when he had just reached the door the sight was a total shock- Rams dead body was lying on the bed, his neck cut and most of his blood clotting on the floor to forma blackish mass but some blood was on the walls which formed the words “We are still proud of Qayamat”. The message of the spies of the enemy country was clear.

Near the bed Subhash stood with the national flag to cover the body of Ram who once thought that he had escaped Qayamat [death]. Any body, who had seen that gory scene that day, will never dare to compare the pride some one has for his own nation, whether he is a fellow country man or a citizen of the enemy nation.

Even an enemy can be forgiven but certainly not a traitor!

P.S : Liked this genre?

With Love,

Shruti-Logo

Image Courtesy : Google Images

68 comments:

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

awesome girl. :)
pity the poor thing had 2 die though, but having been in a prison i am sure he already had long ago.

liked the idea of the snipers gives me an idea. thanks. :)

keep posting.

dmanji said...

This is definitely the best one that I have read so far.... and the end was completely out of my imagination ... excellent is the word for this one....

balasrini said...

Kalakitta Po Shruti!!

A completely different kind of story from you... At times, I couldn't belive that it's you the author of this story...

Excellent narration again Shruti...

Shruti said...

@Raj
That's an usual sight you can see in prison's! Thanks a lot :)

Shruti said...

@Dhiman
Really? I haven't got such a comment off late from you! I'm really happy!

Shruti said...

@Bala
Yen da?! Am the author for this :( You aren't believing me :(
Poda :(

Sojo Varughese said...

That was a damn shocking climax. Neatly written :) I am bookmarking this on my blog :)

Shruti said...

@Sojo
Thanks re :)
Bookmarking eh? Wow, thanks for this acknowledgement!

Makk said...

when i was reaching towards climax..i was thinking ...

naaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh...what is this...

but you just saved your name...at last!!!


Keep Smiling.

Shruti said...

@Makk
U expected this ending or what?!
May be u expected some cliched ending from me?!

Ekam said...

Wow! What an end! Brilliant Shruti :)

Shruti said...

@Ekam
Thanks a lot sweety!

gils said...

:((( enakku ending purila :( ram traitora ila subasha?

gils said...

u knw wat all my stories have Ram as hero :0) n i've written a 10 part series with similar story line :)

Shruti said...

@gils
Hi, welcome to my blog :)
Traitor yaaru!? Keep guessing.. Till now, i expected this question from atleast one and u are here :)
Will tell it after a day :)

Shruti said...

@Gils
Nejamava? Nan kuthumadhippa dan Ram nu yezhudhinen :)
10 series? :O
Padikkaren :)

Makk said...

I expect nothing...but a great work!!


you have done something new this time.

keep it up.

hows ur college going on??

Shruti said...

@Makk
Thanks re :)
My college? I finished my college and am waiting for the date of joining. :)

gils said...

Enna oru villathanam!! enga kathai ending purilana.. athukum oru suspensa!!! ada aapecerungala

gils said...

antha series peru Paartha nyabgam ilayo :) PNI nu label potrupen...and btw..en ella story hero nameum Ram thaan..heroine Uma :) type adika easya irukarathala got set to this ;)

gils said...

//My college? I finished my college and am waiting for the date of joining. :)//

cha..ithuku santoor ad mathiri oru badil ejpet panen..neenga hamaam mathiri nermaiya mudichitenga :)

gils said...

subash traitor..and he kills ram to stop him from sharing info abt qayamat?? enga sekrama kathaiya solidunga..en physics kostin paper mathiri evlo each time padikarachay oru oru result thonuthu!!

Makk said...

you told me ..you are doing engg thats why ?

well its gr8888 to hear .... when will you join and where ??

Mahesh Kalaal said...

@ Shruti,

I am happy that you have shifted the tracks and you did handle this genre in an apt manner.
I took this topic seriously may be coz of my obsession regarding the nationalism/patriotism perspective.
Frankly, i liked the ending, much practical .
keep spreading your flavours and tunes to all possible genres...

PS : Check my reply to your comments on my blog :)

Singh Amit said...

That's a beautifully written story ..
Excellent Narration...
Like the name you have chosen for characters..quite apt...:)
Loved this genre.. :)
:)
Cheers!!

Miss_Nobody said...

I LOVE this!Surely this is IT.Keep writing more!The ending was enexpected,and VERY well written,well knit. Was the dint a typo?

Miss_Nobody said...

I hope you don't mind me pointing this out :)

Rajlakshmi said...

awwww thats gory... but i am at awe at the way you have narrated the story :) ...just wonderful... loved the storyline... so conventional...
keep penning down such stories... :)

HaRy!! said...

ooo i thought it was going to be like Prison Break tv series...but yu made me think otherwise...cold and neat one!! and yeah..nala name vecha...qayamat prison!!...

Shruti said...

@Gils
adada...yenna pa...konjam kuda suspense thaanga maatengala

Shruti said...

@Gils
Aaha! Neenga bayangara surusuruppu pola ;)

Shruti said...

@Gils
:P
Lollu jaasthi ungalkku :P

Shruti said...

@Gils
Yaaru traitor? It can be subash or anyone.. Neenga innum school student ah?!

Shruti said...

@Makk
Still waiting for my DOJ yaar

Shruti said...

@Mahesh
Wow, thanks for this honest comment mahi! I remembered your comment once to change the genre of my stories and here am with this :)

P.S: Saw :)

Shruti said...

@Amit
Really that's the most difficult part in this story...names... :(


Thanks re :)

Shruti said...

@Miss nobody
Thanks re :)
Yes its a typo! Thanks :)

Shruti said...

@Miss nobody
Girlie, why should I mistake you?!

Shruti said...

@Raji
Thank u for all those spiced up words!!

Shruti said...

@Hary
Thanks a lot!! Qayamat is the name I loved!

Neha said...

amazing one shruti...again a different one...you handled it pretty well...i feel you are better at sensitive issues related posts than love stories...there also you are good, but this one is class apart :)

Shruti said...

@Neha
Is it?! I am not sure, but this sensitive issues demands lots of work!
Thank u girlie :)

evanescentthoughts said...

Hey girl.. this was a very good story.. the ending was awesome. This was a totally different kind of story.. I expected Ram to have escaped from the hospital. Couldnt guess the ending. My guess is that Vishwapratap singh is the traitor. He killed Ram? Am I right? Tell us who the traitor is.

gils said...

//Neenga innum school student ah?!//

iskool studenta ...naana...!!! avvvvvvvv...nangalaam mazhiaku kuda pallikoodam odhungatha case :)

gils said...

alo enaku paatha padatha tirumba paathalay suspense thaangathu..neenga en ipdi padutharel..seekrama kathai ennanu sollunga

Shruti said...

@Avada
Thanks a lot girl!

Yes, you hit the bulls eye girl! Vishwapratap Singh is the traitor. He hired Subash to Kill Ram!

Now tell me, are u happy with this ending!?

Shruti said...

@Gils
ada comedy panadhu podhum! Neenga yenna panrenga

Shruti said...

@Gils
Patha padatha pathale suspense thaangaatha?! :P
Am breaking the suspense :
Vishwapratap Singh is the traitor. He hired Subash to Kill Ram!
Happy with this ending?!

BK Chowla said...

You may be wanting to write different.But,still this one is superb and ending is excellent.

Bharathi said...

I liked this genre. particularly I am getting bored of all the love stuff (am getting aged you know). From my limited brilliance, after reading the story and all the comments, I think I understood it. Why sad mam.

gils said...

avvvvvv..itha epdi avadakedavara kandupudichanga??!!! erkanavay kathaya soliteengala?? epdi padichalum intha angle enaku therila ...but seri twistu..!! i thot subash was traitor....vijayoda Villu padam paatha epect :D :D

gils said...

namakkump padipukumlaam remba thooramga...etho thattu thadumaari oru degree vaangitu potti thatra poazhpa paakara naarmal IT koolie :)

Abdul said...

good read

Shruti said...

@Chowla Ji
Thanks a ton Ji!

Shruti said...

@Bharathi
You are getting aged!? 60 or 70?!So you liked this ending?!

Shruti said...

@Gils
Hey Villu padam lam pakarengala! Haiyayo!!!
U couldn't find that angle in the story?! Pity on my writing!
U liked the twist?!

Shruti said...

@Gils
IT koolie ah?! Ada ada ada! yenna thanadakkam!

Shruti said...

@Abdul
Thanks, Comment on 2 words :O :O

gils said...

vaazhkaila oru risk eduka venaamaa..athaan villu saw...fwd panni paathum mudiala!!! enna kodumaiyana padam athu..antha pada poster maadu kooda sapdalaina pathukunga!!!

gils said...

nice twist..totally unexpected..i thot the contenders wud be ram or subash..but mr.v.p singh irukarangarathay maranthu poachu :) u r gud at this genre..but i loved ur baby post..it felt so warm..monitorlenthu pogai vara arambichidichunga..avlo warm!!

Shruti said...

@Gils
Maadu kuda seendhadha padatha neenga pathurkenga! Neenga yengayo poitenga! Still living after seeing it?!

Shruti said...

@Gils
Ada romba pugazhadhenga! Already inga mazha penjathula kulir la nadingitrukken...idhuvum sendha naaadu thaangathu :P

gils said...

life after villu nu oru book podlamnu iruken..intha nuclear disaster aftermath rangeku varumnu nenkaren :)

oh srirangathulayum mazhaia...besh besh :)

Shruti said...

@Gils
Adha vida perusave neenga expect panalam!!

Hey nan porandhadhu srirangam..Came to chennai before 11 years! Now in Chennai maanagaram!

gils said...

/nan porandhadhu srirangam..Came to chennai before 11 years! Now in Chennai maanagaram!//

sujatha matum apo irunthiruntha..srirangathu devadaigal titlea maathi vachirupar nenakren :D LOL :D

Shruti said...

@Gils
Neengale nenachutengala?! Ada ada ada! PUllarikudhu gils pa!

The Aspirant said...

wad a story dis is...........
really awesum......no more wrds as its jst gr8......

Shruti said...

@TA
Thank u!

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