I don’t know whether I can stop thinking about you. In fact I don’t think I want to...
He sat down in a coffee shop and began writing a note to her.
There have been times in my life I have sulked for meeting some people, sometimes I was happy. But I felt blessed, happy, puzzled, excited the day I met you. Some have stayed on for a while and some left in a hurry. But you’re the one whom I love (d) with all my heart and I don’t think I have ever felt this way before. I have wanted to tell all this to you for a while now, but never really got along doing it. Enough is enough. Today, I just want you to know how I feel about you.
After taking a deep drag from his cigarette he thought for a while and continued writing.
I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight. Because my feeling towards you had already started even before I met you. I saw myself smiling when I read a text from you; I pictured the glint in your eyes when you laughed while talking to me on the phone. The way you wrote to me in your mails, I could sense your presence next to me and the words flowing effortlessly. I thought the feeling was mutual, may be I imagined something? But I don't care, I liked you. That's enough for me as of now. Meeting you was the only thing left.
He tried taking another puff, but the cigarette had gone off by then. He lit it again and chucked the matchstick aside. Looking at the smoke, he smiled to himself and exhaled the smoke. He looked at the rings the smoke made. He thought for a second, 'Is this smoke trying to teach me something? Yeah, it indicates, life is a full circle, but smoke? My life is hazy..'. His eyes were moist.
What's all this that am going through now? If I have to put words to this feeling that am experiencing, it would have to be ‘Pain, a pain with some peace’, a pain which I don't regret for experiencing. I feel happy every time I think about you and it’s even more painful when you are not here with me. I want to tell you that you make me really happy. I want to see that smile on your face forever. I know I can make you smile. But do you think the same?
'Would she even read this? Would she understand all this, all my feelings?' Those were his thoughts while penning this for her. He stopped writing. He read the lines again and again slowly. He read it out loud. He paused and stopped in places where he wanted her to stop. He closed his eyes and saw her. A smile escaped his lips. She still had this spell on him. That's why he called her An Angel.
I remember the time when we sat in my house and spoke. About life, about your school days, chocolates, crushes, mom, dad, drinks, pubs, parties, the things which we want to do in our life, our goals, our plans. I remember the passion - passion to achieve in your eyes when you told me the things you wanted to do in life. It all seems like yesterday that you were with me. And now when I think about it, I feel that it has been a while since I saw you or heard from you.
He was feeling emotional now. His hands were trembling. The third cup of coffee that he had ordered was now cold and almost over. The packet of cigarettes that was on the table next to him was almost over and ash tray was full. He closed his eyes again and was thinking about what to write next. He thought and slipped back to the past, He saw her standing in those salwars before him. Looking as beautiful as ever. Tringgg... Tringgg his mobile rang continuously. He shook his head and came back to the real world. He switched off the phone and settled down for writing.
I want you to know that I will always be there for you, yeah honey, forever. And I want you to be happy in life. I want you to go out there and achieve everything that you always wanted to. I want you to know that everything that I have ever told you I meant with all my heart. I want you to…I want you. I love you so much sweetheart, my Angel.
Without his knowledge his love for her, a drop of tear escaped from his eyes and signed the letter. He took one long look at the letter and sighed. He folded the letter and scribbled 49 on the back of the cover. 'One more and I will hit a half century'. The thought made him give a weak smile.
He placed the cover in a bag. There were a bunch of covers in that bag. He placed this one next to number 48. He finished the last cup of coffee, paid the bill and left the shop. On the way he took a long puff and smiled at the swirls it produced.
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