This is purely a Fiction. Any resemblance of incidents or characters occuring in this story is purely co-incidental.Time and time again, I forgave you. I've forgiven you for things that I swore to myself I'd never forgive someone for... and here you are, still hurting me, and I still forgave you..
Guy's, this would've happened in our life at some point. This is just a post, that kindles all your emotions.
"Ever noticed that the people who hurt you the most are the ones you tend to love more", she said as I finished my cup of coffee. Nandini was heartbroken and was madly in love with a boy she met in her college. She was badly hurt because the guy ditched her! She was hurt and demanded answers for some of the very obvious questions of life. She wanted to know why we all fall for someone. Isn’t it unfair on part of the God to first make us fall for someone and then teach us how to forget him? Tell me how can I forget him now? She asked me.
I sat there in front of her carrying a heart that has experienced love and loss more than anyone else I thought. Memories of my past just flashed in front of me and I couldn't help but revisit those memories just to tell her how love sometimes teaches you the best lessons you wouldn't learn otherwise. Sometimes - no matter how long, or how much you love someone, they will never love you back and somehow you have to learn to be okay with that. I began my story to pacify her.
I met this guy Rakshit in my school back in my 8th class. He was one of my closest friends in school. We were in the same class till 12 when I moved out to pursue engineering at some other place and he continued his medical studies there itself. By the time I was in 12th, we had spent enough time to know each other very well. We did some projects together in school that brought us more close to each other. I was sure that I had some very intense feelings for him but those never translated into words because I was not ready for it. I was a child back then, didn't know what love actually means. What I knew was that, there was a guy who makes me happy all the time, there was a guy whose happiness meant more to me than my own, there was a guy who impressed me beyond limits with his charm and intellect!
The time had come for us to part as the schools finished.
"I would like to thank you, for showing me a part of myself that I have never seen. Yeah we were young and dumb, but it still was fun and I guess these things just tend to fall apart and I hope you feel the same" was my message to him as we bid farewell to each other promising to be in touch forever!
I took my friendship for granted. I never confessed my love for him for I wasn’t sure. I thought it might be temporary like the one we term infatuation. I was sure I will move on. It was my confidence in my ability to find happiness in new days, new places and in people that desisted me from proposing to him that time and later, I knew I was wrong.
Life after school wasn't much easy. It was a new place, new people. As time passed, I realized I was missing him. There was vacuum in my life and something inside me wanted to talk to him, see him. I was frustrated because I couldn't tell if it was real. Mad because I didn't know how he felt. Upset because we couldn't make it right. Sad because I needed him. Aggravated because he wouldn't understand my feelings. Disappointed because we couldn't be together, but still I thought I loved him more than ever. A year had passed by then. I contacted him at times but mostly we were busy in our own separate worlds.
One day, almost a year later I picked up my phone and called him up
"Happy Birthday Rakshit" I said.
"Thanks Sreya, How are you?" he replied back. Formal questions followed the conversation and I sensed some change in his attitude towards me. I didn’t know what it was. I avoided reaching to any conclusion all by myself.
From someone I came to know that he knew I had feelings for him and he was upset and "angry", because I betrayed his trust(?) and friendship(!). I enquired this from our common friends but no one could tell me the reality.
I thought I might lose him if I ever tell him about myself now. Gradually, we both started settling in our own lives. I tried calling him a few times but every time he answered only my questions and the conversation was no more than a formality. I wanted him to at least tell me why was he angry? He could have cleared any misunderstanding with me because I was his friend first. But he never did that. Instead he started avoiding me. He tried avoiding me to such an extent that he wouldn’t even come for the annual reunions during Diwali just because I used to come there.
He never tried to contact me and it was me who tried to contact him. Years passed in this fashion. We had absolutely no direct contact. Sometime you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say good-bye. One day I decided to forget him and move on in my new life after finishing college. I spent my college life finding answers to some of the questions that life throws at us. I tried getting close to other people in my college but I was never able to come out of his thoughts. Some temporary phases of forgetting him, I diverted my mind in music, dance. But then again he used to resurface, his thoughts, his charm, everything in fact. In the process of finding my true self, I lost many relations including the love of a few very close friends just because I couldn’t love them back. After all, every relation expects love in return.
I think one cannot learn to forget, but hangs on the past: how far or fast he runs, that chain runs with him. My situation was also similar. Whatever I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about him. With passing time, the thoughts started changing and I got used to it.
Some 6 months later, I went home for a vacation. As usual, I was supposed to meet my friends during Diwali.
"Hi Sreya, Listen Rakshit is here too, He wants to meet you personally. Can you meet him tomorrow?" said one of our common friend ( his best friend) on phone. He told me that Rakshit wanted to meet me and he wanted both of us to be friends again (??!!?!). I didn't know what to reply .I could not find any answer and I agreed meeting him.
Next day I had to meet him.
The whole night I thought about my life - PAST, PRESENT & THE FUTURE. Someone had become a part of my life in those forgone years. 6 years was a long time. It took him 6 years to understand the basic fundamentals of friendship and love. So what if in the beginning he came to know I loved him, he would have told me if he didn’t have such thoughts on me, I would have accepted it gladly. We were close friends first and feelings developed later! He thought, we could still be friends.
I had achieved success in every field with the blessings of my parents and loved ones and in every happy phase of my life, my parents and friends stood by me. If I look back today, whenever I was sad, it was because of him. If I ever cried , it was because of him. I could find him in all the past moments of my life whenever I was in sorrow. Did he deserve another chance?? Or did he even deserve meeting me ever again? I asked this question to myself knowing that a part of me desperately wanted to meet him. But I knew, I had a clear answer.
The next day, I met every other friend of mine except him. Before leaving my hometown, I sent him a letter through my friend. The letter said
You know I was not completely over you. You used to cross my mind several times a day, but with each one of those times, a feeling of contempt also used to pass through my heart. This happened enough, my heart became completely hardened to you, and I got to the point where you don't affect me anymore. Almost everything in life is easier to get out of, except when in love.
Getting out of love isn't that difficult too, if only you realize that the one who hurts you can never be the one who deserves you. I have learnt lessons in life over the years. There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons for the bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience and more loving to do in this lifetime may be not together. I hope it teaches you some lesson!
And this time, Goodbye was forever! I never thought about him again the way I used to before this day.
I knew Love has taught me a lesson for life! Life moves on and you overcome challenges of love, attraction and obsession. I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer. However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names.. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things or friends. Things do not change, we change. Friends don't change , situations change. If you are destined to get someone, you will get him/her and if you are not , you won’t ,even if you try. So leave it to God! Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice, Because the flow that has passed will never pass again. So never waste time for people who are not worth it!
If I had my life to live over again, I will not change it because the life so far has taught me some of the best lessons of life, love and loss!
As I finished my story, I looked at Nandini. She was wearing a heavy smile on her face. "Mom, I love you", saying this she hugged me and I knew my daughter got all her answers!
At one point of time, we all would've had a heartbreak/grief. But when we start learning the bitter truth of life, we will really start loving the life. In this process, sometime we may sit near a window with a hot cup of tea, watch the drizzles of rain hitting your face, think of all those incidents which happened in our past. That will make you understand, though your past changed your course, it would've given you the best. Love your life and live it.
P.S : Hey how is this? Liked it eh?!
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